oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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