Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
