Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
