Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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