barbara walters just said penis...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
