I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
