Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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