FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
