It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
