i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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