Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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