i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
only you would photoshop your dick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
