So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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