My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
only if we run a train.
done.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
