I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
