just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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