I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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