I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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