so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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