i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's never too late to be topless.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
