she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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