obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
