idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
