I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
