I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
