he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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