not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
