she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
