You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
