So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
