dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
