In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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