I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
