So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
