the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
accomplished twins. life is a go
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
