Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
