Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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