I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
