Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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