How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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