What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
