no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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