Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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