I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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