i already hear my dad disowning me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
