i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
