No subtext here. People are naked.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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