Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
