I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
