She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is this the sara with the beer cane?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
