i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
