when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
